


D is for Desperate

by TheTimelessChild0



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Desperation, Episode: s04e03 Planet of the Ood, Episode: s04e04-05 The Sontaran Strategem/the Poison Sky, Episode: s04e07 The Unicorn and the Wasp, Urination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:07:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21535684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTimelessChild0/pseuds/TheTimelessChild0
Summary: Also: Doctor and Donna.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 4





	1. Dumbo

The Doctor turned around in response to the silence. Donna had disappeared, apparently inside the TARDIS. She emerged wearing a large fur coat.

He rolled his eyes secretly, at his companion’s lack of temperature tolerance. He also hid a frown as he felt a mild tingling sensation just above the legs. It made no sense. His internal body temperature was 15 degrees Celcius, which made the difference between inside and outside on this cold planet, less and thus shouldn’t make him _cold.._

For some reason, Donna, who had seemed ecstatic at the idea of travelling in the TARDIS, was very impressed by a giant shiny red rocket that passed over their heads, calling it the “Ferrari” of spaceships. At the same time, however, the Doctor realised what the earlier sensation was. It had been longer than he thought, since he’d been to the loo. It was just a small need at this point, but gave the Doctor pause, while seeing Donna hurry along in the direction of the “Ferrari”. 

He began walking after her, then turned around looking at his TARDIS. 

_Maybe I should go really quickly, it seems like a long walk to civilisation._

Donna turned around, forcing the Doctor to come up with an excuse. 

“I’m just gonna..check something, back in a minute,” he lied, running back inside the TARDIS. Now standing still, the cold penetrated Donna’s big coat. 

  
“Alright, if you’re going back in, I am too,” Donna muttered to herself, following the Doctor. As soon as she closed the door, she spotted the Doctor running down a corridor below the console. 

“What are you checking?” she called after him, curiously. He was too occupied with being efficient with his mission to the loo, to hear her. The speed at which he ran, made Donna suspicious, so she ran after him, to see where he was going. 

The Doctor disappeared behind a door, which Donna instantly stood in front of, listening. Soon, she could hear revealing noises. For the sake of politeness, she hurried back to the TARDIS doors, to pretend like she hadn’t followed him..

The Doctor was surprised to find Donna waiting for him, when he returned. 

“What, you expect me to freeze out there, waiting for you?” Donna asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Of course not. Do you need another coat?” he double-checked, accepting that his “mate” needed more warmth than him. 

“No thanks, I was ready first time round. Unlike some _people_ ,” Donna dismissed the offer, putting particular emphasis on the word “people”. The Doctor wasn’t really “people”. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” the Doctor asked, noticing a hidden meaning. 

“Mm? Nothing,” Donna lied, nonchalantly. 

******

They had been walking for while, when the Doctor made a note of the lack of footsteps. 

“You humans must’ve gotten really comfy at this point, not even landing to make yellow snow,” the Doctor remarked. Donna chuckled at the reference. 

“Good thing you don’t need that, huh? That’d probably be translucent,” she joked.

The Doctor nodded, then realised what she was, correctly, implying.

“How did you know that?” he asked, confused.

“Know what?”

“That I already _went_ ,” the Doctor clarified, gesturing downward.

Donna rolled her eyes. “Silly Dumbo, d’you really expect me to believe your rubbish vague excuse? Next time, try mentioning some specifics, like what you’re checking, and where. Don’t just sprint down a random hallway,” Donna advised. 

The Doctor blushed mildly, albeit very visibly, in the cold weather. 

He sighed in annoyance, as it dawned on him. 

“You followed me.” he stated. He didn’t need to _ask_ , nor did he bother being angry, it was his own fault for not using his Time Lord instincts, sensing another presence.

Donna didn’t even react. 

“Why didn’t you just tell me the truth? Then I would’ve given you a second to disappear, before entering the TARDIS in the first place. I would’ve given you some more space.” Donna questioned. 

“We’d already left once. You getting your coat meant I had not one, but _two_ opportunities to use the toilet before we started walking. It’d be stupid and embarrassing to admit to needing to go, after giving up both those chances,” the Doctor remarked quietly, in his defence.

“Hey, we all make stupid decisions, we all forget things like that. As alien as you are, you probably didn’t even think about your bladder before leaving the first time, nor the second, right?” Donna guessed. 

The Doctor nodded. “Last time was on a cruise liner, shaped like the Titanic. Which wasn’t a hoax, by the way” he smirked smugly, at Donna’s gaping mouth of surprise. “Didn’t feel a single inkling until you went to get that coat, and even then I just chalked it up to being cold,” the Doctor shrugged. 

“Bladder as big as yours obviously is, makes sense that you don’t plan ahead. You’ve rarely needed to. You don’t expect to be shot at immediately upon exiting the TARDIS,” Donna noted. 

“Well, when I _do_ , I always put my hands up in surrender” the Doctor corrected her. 

“You know what I mean. Even Lords of Time are allowed to lose track of it. Being followed is the least of your worries. You should be more concerned with being comfortable. There’s no use holding it in until a more reasonable time. There’s no reason in travelling in a blue police box.” Donna argued. 

“Yeah, you’re right. Allons-y means let’s _go_. I should listen to myself more,” the Doctor noted. 


	2. Diuretic

The Doctor wanted to strangle Halpen upon hearing his commendation of the Holocaust extermination technique. Unfortunately, he was utterly stuck to the wall by the handcuffs. 

“As for you two,” Halpen continued, “I cooked up something stronger.”

Ood Sigma held out a bottle marked Radolin. The Doctor sighed in relief, thankfully unnoticed. 

“This substance is outlawed in the 3 closest galaxies, including this one. It is _highly_ fatal, I assure you,” he smirked, as he walked over to Donna with the “poison”. 

Now, despite his “experience” with Radolin, the Doctor didn’t know how a human stomach or liver would react to it. So he just assumed the worst. 

“NO!! Please don’t, kill me first, she’s innocent, just came along for the ride, I’m the mastermind, the only one you should be after,” the Doctor argued frantically, trying to save Donna.

“How noble,” Halpen complimented sarcastically. He accepted this sacrifice, and indicated for Ood Sigma to begin pouring it into the Doctor’s mouth. The Ood obeyed. Despite the futility of resistance, the Doctor fought back, trying to kick the bottle away with his head. But Halpen just grabbed his jaw, making sure that as much as possible got consumed. 

“Since you’re going to die anyway, I’ll let you have some comfort..in your final moments,” Halpen teased softly, releasing the Doctor from his handcuffs. 

Once freed, the Doctor immediately tried to spit out at least some of the Radolin, to no avail. At least it helped support Halpen’s false assumption that the Doctor was human, and that Radolin was poisonous to him. 

Though, even if it _was_ , the Doctor would be just as fine..and just as uncomfortable. 

As if the sound of the door was a call to action, the Doctor felt his kidney’s reacting to the diuretic, the moment both Halpen and his Ood had left the room. He winced in anticipation and stood up, to free Donna from her handcuffs.

“You alright?” he asked politely. 

“Yes! What about you? What will the poison do?”

The Doctor shuddered, remembering exactly what Radolin could do, and had indeed done, to him in the past. Distant past, thankfully. 

“It’s not poison to me, don’t worry. Back home, Radolin was a household remedy, it won’t kill me,” he reassured her. The Doctor grabbed a water bottle and placed it on a table, then grabbed a chair and sat down near the table looking at the clock, not looking forward to the next few minutes. 

“Oh, can you filter it out of your system, like with alcohol? Detox,” Donna guessed, excited and _relieved_.

“I don’t need to, Radolin leaves on its own,” the Doctor raised his eyebrows in emphasis. 

“How?” Donna didn’t understand. 

“Radolin, to Time Lords, is a fast working _diuretic_ ,” he blushed while explaining. 

“Oh. Then, what’s the bottle of water for? I’d assume that would make it worse,” Donna smirked in amusement. 

“For later, to rehydrate. First, I have to wait for the diuretic to fill my bladder completely, otherwise, the water will pass _with_ the diuretic, and leave me as dehydrated as before,” The Doctor explained. 

“Ooh, it begins,” he remarked, feeling the first pulse in his bladder, as its volume increased. He bent forward slightly, and put his thighs together, to keep the urine _contained_. The Doctor’s eyes widened as his bladder stretched uncomfortably. 

“So, you have to hold it in for an extra minute or two, until the process turns off?” Donna asked. The Doctor nodded tensely. 

“Well, here’s a tip, don’t cross your legs right away, it could make you leak, and with your body set on emptying completely, it might be hard to stop” she advised him. 

The Doctor nodded quickly, signalling her to stop talking about peeing. The conversation made him need to squirm. 

“Of all the harmless Time Lord drugs humans could’ve found, and weaponized, it _had_ to be a **diuretic**!” the Doctor sighed in frustration, putting a hand subtly between his legs, squirming a bit more. 

“It can’t be long now,” Donna encouraged. 

****

About 30 seconds later, Donna was proven right. “Finally!” the Doctor cheered in relief. He got up and instantly started hopping on the ground with urgency. He looked around the room, together with Donna, trying to find a toilet. 

Donna pointed out an illuminated sign in the corner of the room. The Doctor made a gesture meaning “back in a moment” and sprinted into the loo. As soon as he let go, a veritable _flood_ sprayed into the toilet bowl. He had no control against the utterance of a loud, and long “aaahh….”, which nicely accompanied the pee noise Donna was already listening to, outside the door, giggling. 

The first thing that happened upon him exiting the bathroom, was his eyes meeting Donna’s. His face went blood red in embarrassment.

“Feel better?” Donna asked kindly, holding back her laughter.

“So much better. I know one thing I’m not putting in my mouth anytime soon,” the Doctor shook his head with disdain. 

He took a deep breath, as he began chugging the water.

He frowned with cautious fear, still wary of things going into his kidneys. Predictably, and fortunately, his body did the right thing and absorbed most of it instead. 

“Oh, it feels so good not to have things enter and leave immediately after,” the Doctor sighed with happiness, shaking his arms in ecstasy, now rehydrated. 

“Just in case this happens again; you do have a detox that works similarly, right?” Donna asked, concerned. 

The Doctor nodded.

“Good. Then I expect you to let it happen, just like you did now,” she instructed. 

“Don’t worry. Concentration detoxes can only be _triggered_ manually, not manually turned off again. I won’t have a choice. And I certainly don’t intend to dehydrate myself excessively, for no reason,” the Doctor assured her.


	3. Detox

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Speaking of detox..the Doctor might have spoken too soon..

The Doctor put one hand in his pocket, as Donna’s driving, which was as _bad_ as his, shook the TARDIS, and in turn woke up his bladder, which had had some more time since the Ood business, to fill up further. He made a note to pop off for a wee, after the lesson. Only, then he received a summons from Martha, requesting his presence on Earth, and forgot.

*****

The Doctor jiggled his legs a little as he tried to think of reasons for the Sontarans to want to help humanity. 

Martha approached him. “You know UNIT has toilets, right?” she reminded him kindly. 

“Not here, there’s too many people. _Officers_ with salutes,” the Doctor whispered, explaining why he wasn’t going in his current location.

*****

Having Clone Martha with him, while going to the loo in the TARDIS, wasn’t ideal, but necessary. He preferred the TARDIS to any toilet on Earth, even Buckingham Palace, and he was aware of the lack of opportunities he’d get to return to his TARDIS during the mystery. So, he planned to just come up with an excuse, since fake Martha wouldn’t doubt his word for a second. 

Unfortunately, in the next few minutes, the TARDIS disappeared before his eyes, and his mouth filled with a strange gas. He wondered if it was toxic to him, but guessed that it wasn’t, since he was still able to breathe. 

* * *

While waiting for (real) Martha to fetch them a ride, the Doctor’s need for the loo returned suddenly, now extremely urgent. It was clearly the work of his body’s detox process. Now he had even more water in his bladder. 

“Oh great,” he muttered quietly, rubbing his thighs and standing up. Donna looked at him, noticing his discomfort.

“Here’s the thing. I quite _badly_ need the toilet. Have you seen where it is?” the Doctor asked Donna, squeezing himself through his pockets, and bending his knees. 

“No, maybe Martha knows,” she suggested. “Why didn’t you go before?” 

“It wasn’t that bad then, there were people in the room. Clone feed’s what made it worse,” the Doctor explained. 

“What about before you _left_?” Donna pointed out.

“I forgot when Martha called me,” he stated, crossing his legs and leaning on a table. 

“Really? I saw the way you put your hand in your pocket when I was driving; one call from Martha made that all go away?” Donna asked, skeptical.

“It wasn’t that bad,” the Doctor defended himself. “But it is now,” he muttered. “I _really hope_ Martha knows where I can find..” 

At that moment, Martha walked in the door. 

“Find what?” she asked the Doctor. 

“Oh brilliant, you’re here. I _really_ need the loo, “ the Doctor folded his hands in his lap, squeezing them between his thighs. 

Martha smiled sympathetically. “Third door on the left, and as you can see, there are no soldiers,” she assured him jokingly. 

“Hey, I spent 3 decades in UNIT with no TARDIS, I’ve told them enough about my bladder already,” the Doctor countered, sprinting out of the room. 

“Hey, if he excused himself that often, then what was stopping him from doing it again?” Donna remarked. 

“I think the last time, was with the Brigadier. They got to know each other pretty well. But the point stands. He should be able to tell strangers. He’ll need to eventually.” Martha agreed. 

The Doctor came back in the room, looking much more comfortable. 

“What were you lovely ladies talking about?” he asked with a grin, glad to see his companions getting along.

“You announcing your need for the toilet to strangers,” Martha introduced. 

“What.” the Doctor scoffed at their conspiring. 

“Hey, there will be a time when neither Donna nor the TARDIS is nearby. What will you do then?” Martha challenged him.

“I will be just fine. I won’t hold it too long, I’ve had too many experiences with that,” the Doctor stated confidently. 

Both women agreed that was a satisfactory answer. 


	4. Directions

Agatha walked quickly out of the room in frustration. The ambush had really hurt her self-esteem. Donna followed, clearly intending to comfort her. 

“You put too much faith in her,” the Doctor noted, feeling bad for his idol. 

“It’s what happens when you get wrapped in a good mystery,” Lady Eddison apologized. 

“Well, try to focus on one at a time. The one that is real,” he advised.

“Which is also the one that matters more _right_ _now_ ,” Curbishley chimed in. 

The Doctor nodded, then felt a need for the loo. He frowned. Walking up all those stairs would take too long, since he was planning to stay downstairs until Agatha came back, then he could help her thinking along. 

He remembered that old manors like the one he was currently in, usually had toilets near the dining room, in case someone had a glass too many while sitting there.

“You know, I’ve got two mysteries on my mind too. And I’m sorry to say right now, the one pertaining to the murders, needs to wait just a couple minutes,” the Doctor stood up, scratching the back of his head. 

“See, the last time I was in a house like this, there was a lavatory next to the dining room, in addition to the one upstairs; that wouldn’t happen to be the case here, would it?” he asked, hopefully. 

“Well, yes, of course. Down the small hallway, next to the stairs,” Lady Eddison directed. 

“Thanks. I’ll be right back,” the Doctor excused himself from the sitting room. He returned to see Agatha sitting there. 

“Donna went to rinse this very fascinating box we found,” she explained. “Have you been investigating as well?” she asked, guessing the reason she arrived before him. 

“Actually, no. Call of nature. Bit too many lime sodas,” he stated, raising an eyebrow. 

“Well, could’ve been worse. You could’ve ordered a sidecar, like your friend. That would go right through you,” Agatha remarked humorously. 

“Wow, you really are a detective, already figured out why I’m late,” Donna noted with awe, entering the room and putting the box of tools on the table. 

“No, actually I didn’t notice. I was just talking about why the Doctor was late,” Agatha clarified. 

“I shouldn’t drink anything with a flavour,” the Doctor said with regret. 

“What’s the problem? You’re not on the run from anything, you got all the time in the world to use the facilities.” Donna pointed out.

*****

While the inhibited enzymes got fixed with the stimulation process, the cyanide decided to sneak into his bladder, like any good, polite poison. 

The Doctor ran out of the room, and up the stairs to the loo. After getting immensely  _ relieved _ , he cautiously took some big sips of water.

“Where’d he go?..” Donna wondered, as she didn’t follow him quick enough to see him on the stairs. 

Agatha smiled, at the return of some behaviour from the Doctor, that made scientific sense. 

“Well, it’s like you said. He’s  _ running _ to go  _ use the facilities, _ ” she commented. 

The Doctor returned. “We were both right, Donna. I  _ definitely _ shouldn’t drink anything with a flavour, and I have all the time I need for toilet breaks. Amen to that, “ he remarked cheerfully, rubbing his thighs in relief. 

The End.


End file.
